Thursday, May 28, 2009
today i made you cry darling... im so sorry... i don know why but i feel that im not a good friend that you should deserve. i feel so lousy tt i started crying and ran off. im sorry i was a hopeless girl. sometimes i think the world is better off without someone like me. i feel so horrible and tmr is our gp paper. these few days i kept crying...for so many reasons... and i admit im too overly hoplessly in love with him. im so sorry tt i cant help myseelf from loving him and i just wanna spend my last 4 mths with him, love him, cherish him. just let me listen to his laughter; his melodic voice just a few more times. let me just see him just a few more months. and on that real last day; just let me cry my eyes out just to have his last comfort. time is running out for me and i know u love me darling; but i really wanna choose this road myslef. to cont to love him and care for him. its like a drug and i cant do without him. u know it- without him i'd purposely injure myself to feel the pain in my heart, the physical pain on my leg. i know i sound crazy, but im not a sane person in the first place. hurting myself is just another way of running away from pain i hope u understand this. that im different from you. and pls dont cry anymore. i loved you.... it'll hurt me to see u cry. gd luck for tmr- this i pray sincerely for you...
~8:55 PM
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
OMG. today i went to tell him about mona's sms tt said he was her husband! lol... i am so speechless by what i have done too... i loved him yet i told him mona loves him. what the hell am i doing? and john is pressing me to confess to him about my love for him... i wanted to ask whther he prefer me or mona but i jus coulnt part my lips to say those words. and i dont know if its fate but today all his consultation slots were jus nice e days i dun hav to come for sch. and just now lin laoshi sms me tell me change to thurs which is like he's going to sch too... omg. is it fate or what.... jus spoken to keon. he was telling me his sch sec3 girl also same then e tcher send her for counselling after hearing what she said. but i'd like to clarify tt im not a small young girl anymore. i can decide for what i want and i am a fully grown up woman. so pls... if he's gonna send me for counselling, just forget it. bcos im not a girl anymore. im 17 going on 18 for god's sake. and i can think properly. i dont know why i am so frustrated but i just wish to try it. confess and lets just see what happens next....i loved him.
~9:02 PM
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Monday, May 25, 2009
sat went out eat steamy boat with qian hui, pakky, szeting and me (: hahas. we were supposedly eating at bugis one then too many ppl queue-ing so we offered to take the bus to e more ulu one at joo chiat. hahas. we thought there were more ppl coming up to e small bus! but there wasnt... and we were like starting to suspect whether is it a kidnapper or smthing. lol. so silly (: had fun with them and i ate mostly HOTDOGS! hahas. sze say i lang fei qian ): so bad lor. lol.. pak was extremely cute when she was the only one who add so many toppings for her ice cream. hahas. center of attraction of the day was pakky.... (: so ke ai... next time if wanna eat buffet, can only call qian hui and sze... only they eat so much... eat so much stil so slim... sigh... *jealous* hahas...anw jus finish writing my history eassay..........FOR THE THIRD TIME. wow... im impressed by my will to keep writing till its perfect (: till he likes it (: anything he ask me to do i surely will do... and monica scolded me jus bcos mr s scolded her for disturbing me jus now! hahahahahhahahs....
ps: mona, ur wink doesnt do much against the fact that he scolded u for me! lol
and many ppl tell me to jyjy jio him. but i know its crazy... still, i'll love him in my heart, the love that will be unheard :D xoxo, nights seq
~11:02 PM
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Saturday, May 23, 2009
Lifehouse - Blind
an excellent song that makes me think of him knowing its impossible.
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blindBut I couldn't make you see itCouldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever knowA part of me died when I let you goI would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as
reality is crashing to the floor
~12:01 AM
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Friday, May 22, 2009
today....alot of teachers know about it i guess. and somehow i feel that he knows about it just that he doesnt wanna say it out. i prefer things this way. jus crushing on him forever and ever till god knows when. but i guess this infatuation is hard to get rid of. cos jus when i was about over wif thinking of him all day, i dream of him just randomly. randomness....has caused me trouble. it is jus the randomness of things that has caused me to crush on him again and its getting hard to retract my feelings. oh wells. my eyes are closing right now and all i can think of is bed and a gd dream of me and him. oh wells. i feel like a si bian tai.. like wad szeting said. but nvm...cos i saw him playing soccer this evening til i shuang (: hahahahas... images are flashing through my mind rapidly, the wind is blowing into my ears strongly....i know its wrong to like him....but i still wil and do love him...
~11:55 PM
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Thursday, May 21, 2009
just moved house to east coast here... few nights ago suddenly dreamt of mr s again... today only see him once. very sad.. sigh... i think i go sch everyday is just to see him... ): miss him. tmr i wanna see him!!!
~8:00 PM
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Sunday, May 3, 2009
3 and a half days have passed. and fear not, im getting better every single day (: right here, i wanna thank my friends whom have given me loads of support, spamming my fone wif sms... lol. so tt i wont think of him... thankyou szeting, zixian, nigel, sihua, mel and abigail for ur support! :) i promise i'll be fine. n go thru my a's :D love you people hahas...
~10:36 PM
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