Sunday, June 21, 2009
Marry me today Guess I’m wishing my life away
With these things i'll never say (:
~9:35 PM
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wow. weekends are over soon... thats fast. ytd was such a horrible day. went to my dad's friend wedding at mandarin hotel. the bride was beautiful and i thought i saw the bride taller than the bridegroom. lol. anw i was seated in a table with her family which was soooo bad luck. there's nothing much we talked about cos obviously we r two different world people. and i had to put on a smile constantly and act demure in front of my mom's whole circle of friends there. gosh that was so hard! but i noticed a cute guy there; but he's from china >.< and the thought of admiring him just vanished. lol. so i guess the whole night i was just dreaming of something else. and i feel so much like slapping her when she and her brother (who was from ny too last time) said that he was irritating and that his lessons are so useless that dont even go for them. lol. but i stil smiled sweetly at them till my mouth aches man. god.... sickening dumb dumb.
~9:24 PM
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009
my darling is sick today... oh no, first we were in sch doing mock chi exam paper. and she ran to toilet like - 3 times? total shit in school for around 6 times? omg. and i just msged her and she's running a fever - 38 i think. send u a huggy across time and space (: awww... hope u feel well after a good rest. u shouldn hav come sch today and take tt test wif me when its not compulsory for u.... but anw im touched and rest well!!! hope u get ur dream and slp till 11 plus tmr(: dont remind me of the old woman face in drag me to hell. gosh. that was so disgusting and i hope u enjoyed watching with me (: when all i did was screaming like hell and grabbing onto u - practically hugging u already. too bad we watched at century sq ): if its GV then can lift tt stupid arm rest and jus hug u like crazy. lol. xin ku ni ler (: we went cycling that day at east coast! (: hahas. just a few hours and u've learnt how to ride! im impressed and proud of u! hahas. altho in the end u strained ur ankle or smthing and swollen now. looking at e bruises on ur legs just makes me feel sorry for it. lol. but im having alot bruises too ): esp e one on my head - CHILD ABUSE!!!! stil there ): eppps. feeling cold now - shivering >.< better go slp liao (: nighty nighty! AND I WANT A HUG HUG *wink wink*
~12:40 AM
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Monday, June 15, 2009
night time; especially late nights. always makes me emotional. staring out at the window of my new apartment searching out for ur presence. so far yet so near. the feeling is unknown. longing for u is all i do every night that it has become my routine. i think of things that are impossible and dream of dreams that will never happen. want to tell u that i care for u but i cant; so much inside of me yet i can disseminate all out. bottled up feelings has a limit too. and im pondering over this.
~11:24 PM
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"Things I'll Never Say"
I’m tugging at my hair // I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool // I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet // My cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
Cause I’m feeling nervous // Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it // You’re worth it Yeah
If I could say what I want to say // I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night // Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see //I want to see you go down
On one knee // Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away // With these things I’ll never say
It don’t do me any good // It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you // What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out // We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care
What’s wrong with my tongue // These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble // Like I’ve got nothing to say
Guess I’m wishing my life away // With these things I’ll never say
If I could say what I want to say // I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night // Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see // I want to see you go down
On one knee // Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away //With these things I’ll never say
These things I’ll never say
~10:50 PM
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
i really dont know what i am. i just feel very tired now and i dont know why i am like that. i always thought that i've recovered from depression since 3 years ago. but how i've realised i haven't. in school i've to be a happy person in front of my friends and even teachers, let them make fun out of me. they thought i was a happy person. but someitmes i cant help but feel that im not. things that i thought i can put down and forget; but i cant. sometimes i just feel so helpless that im desperately needing a hug from someone. to tell me everything is fine. but i cant persudae myself that it is. cry is all i can do to let it all out. i just want to inject drugs into my body to make me sane, hurt myself to snap out of the pain im feeling. this time round, im not going to the hospital anymore, i wanna try to live out of it. even if there's no one i could trust
~3:09 PM
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Monday, June 8, 2009
been feeling horrible since morning today. i had terrible nightmare last night... i just msged him but he nv replied. but i didnt probe any further. listening to Holiday by Hilary Duff. its a great song. reflects out all the sadness in my life. sometimes i just feel that my life sucks - or its just my brain sucks. im making myself miserable yet im allowing my brain to continue with this madness. leave me on the road to obselence. i feel so terrible; inside out. and im just speechless now. neurologists-please suck out my brain. i rather be a brainless retard person. at least they dont think too much. thinking too much hurts oneself, reflection is what everyone should pursue; but further pursue only leads to brain damage, self damage on ur heart mind and soul. its a terrible feeling, excruciating feeling to think about these things. take a holiday - what i want right now at this moment this minute.
~9:14 PM
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Tuesday, June 2, 2009
25 REASONS WHY I ALWAYS SUCCEED IN EXASPERATING MY GP TUTOR!
1. I always choose the wrong question for the
wrong reasons (my fav ones are about mass media, when i can talk about how weatern values in newspaper, a movie, televisions shows and in radios corrupted Asian Confucius traditions or how violence and sexual programmes turn people into rapists and mass murderers)
2. I always fail to appreciate the SIGNIFICANCE of key words in essay questions like "only" "largely" "merely" and "best".
3. I always MISINTERPRET key words : I am convinced that " largely" actually means "solely/totally/completely", that and that "best" really means "good".
4. I always open my essay with the same topic sentence, regardless of the essay title.
" At the dawn of a new millennium, in this fast-paced, stressful, paper chase modern day society that we live in today, we have come a long way since cave men days when we used to hunt dinosaurs with sticks. "
THis kind of profound observation is guaranteed to impress the examiner.
5. I always neglect to provide an incisive answer to a question in a concise and impressive thesis statment at the end of my opening statement at the end of my opening paragraph. Instead i like to either merely repeat the question, or totally ignore it, or (and this is my favourite!) answer an entirely different one!
This adds an element of suspense to my essay, keeping my marker guessing to the very end. Sometimes, he can finish the entire essay and STILL NOT KNOW what my position on the issue is!
6. I always enjoy making exxagerated claims, sweeping statements and over-generalisations :
eg. If the govt bans capital punishment, many more crimes wil be committed which will lead to chaos.
This demonstrates that i am a courageous individual, fully prepared for any worse case scenario that may befall my hapless country!
7. I always like to give a totally one-sided case, ignoring all possible counter-arguments and failing to acknowledge other points of view.
This shows the examiner that i am a very determined and decisive person who refuses to be side-tracked or be persuaded by other people's opinions.
8. Even though i know my script will be marked by someone from the U.K, i always like to accuse 'Westerners' of being totally responsible for all the problems plaguing my society. I also enjoy pointing out that drug-taking, violence, promiscuity, rude behaviour, selfishness, decadence, materialism, and a total lack of filial piety are Western 'values' that virtuous Asians had never even heard of until they were 'infected' with them. The truth must be told, no matter how painful.
9. I always use slang expressions like "a must", "kids" and "smart". Even if an essay question contains the word "films", i insist on changing it to "movies". I always refer to mankind as "human" - I wouldn't be human if i didn't. My teacher keeps telling me to use more 'felicitous' expression, but how can i when i don't even know what 'felicitous' means???
10. Being a modest person, i always ignore my teacher's compliments about my handwriting being "execrable" and "unintelligible". Basically, I set my own standard here, which is : " If i can read it, why can't you?"
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. etc....
Of course there are more but at least these few ten are the ones i would recommend to other students bcos they are guaranteed to succeed!
© HCI/2008
~9:22 PM
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many people asked me whether i believe in fate. i guess i do (: life has been easier since holidays are here. i've been slacking for three whole days touching no books at all. PUZZLE! -is my new favourite; or it has always been ever since there's a word called holiday in my life. anw i just got intimate with arab-israel and origin of cold cold war today worh. lol. feel tt they are so immature childish and dumb to be so stupid.... fight fight fight.,.... never give a thought to ppl who are studying these things; and they NEVER seem to learn from their mistakes after all. sigh. more and more to come. all those dates are so diff to rmb.... at least i rmb 1948war, 1973 yom-kippur,1956 suez canal... lucki8ly my memory stil serves me well. and i decided to leave out KW and CMC. (: stupid la those two. luckily since last yr i studied all but these two. haha. just nice came out for last yr means i no need read for these yr. hmm. but cambridge sometimes repeat same qn twice in 2 yrs....crazy. i think they ask till sian liao la. i feel sorry for those setters (: hahas
~9:16 PM
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